If Santa Had A Butler

The principal has just been served his breakfast and attention now turns to the first main task of the day. Grabbing a large bag of feed in the stable many buckets are filled and likewise with the water buckets which are then distributed to the animals. Moving to the animals’ stalls the job becomes more odorous as they are kept inside despite protestations that being outside is not only good for them but it is entirely natural. However the boss is always right and these pampered pets, grooming would follow, had the best of everything despite doing very little of anything except eating and well, you know. Soon they would perform their one useful task of the year so naturally they had to look good, despite not being seen by anybody, so leather would be oiled, brass polished and the sleigh given a final inspection. The lead reindeer somehow always ends up in the home brew which for some reason the principal thinks is necessary perhaps feeling it may make a nice song one day.

Breakfast is tidied away and then the cleaning tasks of the day begin, but not before the day’s checklist is verified; today cannot go wrong at any stage! So it is time to sit down with a nice cuppa to verify the running order, hoping that the workshop has managed to stay up to date and that there were not too many late orders. How one sleigh is going to manage the whole consignment proves difficult but planning is everything and living in another dimension, several visits back to the depot are in fact needed, definitely help because otherwise presents around the world in one night is quite frankly a little challenging. Challenges were abundant, Samoa changing hemispheres, including the ample frame of the principal’s wife. Although she means well there are times when she gets in the way. Insisting that the reindeer wear body-warmers and hats is just the latest in a litany of unsound ideas that have been calmly consigned to oblivion as has the idea of employing image consultants; the job description doesn’t change all that much from year to year but try explaining it to her.

The most important task of the day is the preparation of the principal’s uniform which contrary to popular belief is what allows him to maintain the traditional corpulence. Once upon a time he did rather over indulge and the image stuck but his wife insisted on him slimming yet she remained the same svelte 120 kilos that her husband had met all those years ago. A uniform such as this takes time to prepare, many weeks in fact, what with delinting, evicting various wildlife and mending tears. Today is merely a final inspection along with polishing boots and giving the beard a final trim and colouring.

A great fear of the day is that some of the elves will have been at the liqueur chocolates and despite the best efforts the little angels always seem to have a few hidden. Ensuring that the helper elves stay sober is one of the reasons why the principal is no longer allowed alcohol and this message took some time to get through the heads of some rather challenged parents. Not only was the principal getting on every nerve in his wife’s body, having returned a little worse for wear on many occasions, but the elves had been making major blunders the least of which was delivering a bible to Richard Dawkins.

However the night may turn out all plans have been followed to the minutest detail, the head reindeer has a thumping headache and did not want to lead a sleigh tonight, the three helper elves are leaving with little smiles on their faces and the sleigh looks resplendent. The principal takes a light meal of soup and bread followed by a huge bowl of goulash and a thermos of coffee for the first journey; which may or may not contain whisky. With this thought in mind dinner awaits and for a little while duty may be lain to one side but ever at hand, ready to be used in service. Watching as the sleigh goes sonic and then disappears the Christmas message comes to mind; give kindness to somebody for it is surely the greatest gift.

Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year


About Patrick Kelly

Patrick Kelly is 48 years old and qualified as a butler in 2014 having graduated from The International Butler Academy in the Netherlands. He comes from a catering background and is a graduate of London South Bank University where he obtained a BA Hotel management. At The International Butler Academy, Mr. Kelly stood out because of his personality and character, his management qualities and his overall professionalism. Mr. Kelly was appreciated by all, instructors and fellow students alike, for his understanding and support to all around him. He valued hard work and working as part of a team. Having worked for many years in the hospitality industry, Mr. Kelly has decided that his career in the future will be in the world of private service and he wishes to work in a private household or in corporate butling situation. He has worked in many facets of the hospitality industry and has experience leading teams. Mr. Kelly also has experience in the wine industry where he has experience of primary production and in sales both to the off and on-sales sectors. Furthermore, Mr. Kelly has had experience in fine wines and in export having been involved in setting up an export service to China. Currently working in the wine industry, Mr. Kelly is nevertheless altering his career path to follow a long-held ambition to be of service. He feels that his career until now, although in the service industry, has not had enough of the personal element of service. Great service for him is an adherence to the tenets of energy, passion and commitment that are the hallmarks of truly great service naturally allied to excellent technical skills. The need for discretion is very important for Mr. Kelly and he has always been honest in his career. He knows what it means to be utterly loyal. During his career, he has maintained the highest standards of integrity and professionalism when dealing with private and professional clients.

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